Flooded.

I started this ambitious journey of tap water about 13 days ago. I had no idea how broken it would leave me mentally or how challenged I would feel physically. Yesterday was a breaking point. The girls and I loaded up and headed to CBS in the morning and we were only about ten minutes late. This was the latest we’ve been so far, and it was mostly due to my lack of sleep. Thankfully, it was Pajama Day. No, the girls didn’t go in the jammies they’d slept in the night before. They all wore clean, matching princess jammies, of course.

I brought my glass of iced water and my Kashi bar and hoped that would get me through the morning. It did, but once I hit 12:30, I was totally exhausted. My body has needed caffeine for days and yesterday I hit the breaking point. I couldn’t think straight, my mind was racing, and I felt trapped in confusion. It was painful. I wanted to cry. I DID cry. Not only do I use caffeine to wake my tired body in the morning, but I use it as a medication. I was diagnosed with ADD when I was 25 and have been on several medications since. I remember the first day I took Concerta and felt for the first time that I wasn’t limping around on half a brain. I washed my car that day, from start to finish. Then I put everything away. The vacuum, the sponges, the soap, the hose. Then I sat and cried. Multi-step tasks were never easy for me. I finally felt capable. It was wonderful.

But then I started having babies, and stimulants and pregnancy don’t go well together. I got off the meds and started drinking coffee. It wasn’t the same, but it was almost better. I could drink coffee and not worry about major side affects. It warmed by belly and my soul and helped to put the puzzle pieces together as well. I could have a cup (or 3) in the morning, and dose again in the afternoon and avoid the mental fatigue I’d suffered my whole life.

Then I heard about the blood:water mission via Anne Jackson. I heard about the 40 day challenge. Forty days of nothing to drink but water. I loved the idea from the beginning, though I was a little apprehensive of giving up my beloved fountain Dr. Pepper and my beautiful morning mug of happiness. But a fast is good for everyone, at any time and I knew that. I jumped in, registered and drank my last DP for breakfast the day before.

But then my house flooded. And my belongings were strewn about my house like a rogue wave of my lake came through. And I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed to the point of tears, setting my timer, but never able to figure out where to start. My disorganized approaches left me exhausted and without a single sign of order. To be honest with you, I’m still sitting in a mess here. But there is hope.

I’ve been praying for help. I’ve been praying that God would help me get this place together, that I would stay focused for 15 minutes at a time and be able get this stuff back where it all belongs. I know one cup of coffee would be my jumping off point. I know one cup would allow me to focus, make a dent in the work and feel better. But I don’t wanna give up on my commitment to blood:water. And you know me, the legalist I am, I WON’T give up. So yesterday my sweet husband (who has given up soda as well) sent me in to the gas station to pick up his King Size Peanut M&m’s and I see this.



Oh, Sweetest Jesus. Seriously? Caffeinated GUM? I thought for a minute I was at the Pharmacy, picking up my prescription. Did I gobble up a piece? No. I waited. I waited until this morning, when I knew that I would need it for a shopping trip to BJ’s with four little girls. And it worked. I parked the car, got all four girls out, hooked my keys on my purse, grabbed my phone and put it in my purse, closed and locked the van, headed into BJ’s and started getting the things on my list that I did NOT leave in the car, did NOT get overwhelmed when looking for breakfast bars, did NOT freak out when one of the wheels on the shopping cart mysteriously stopped rolling, found my BJ’s card without a hitch, did NOT lose the receipt from the cash register to the receipt checker guy, got back to the locked (!) van, unloaded and drove away. Thank you, Lord, for sending AMP’d gum.

Now this fast will be what it was intended to be for me, enduring and sacrificing for the sake of others, reminding me what luxury I have in clean water, and praying for His strength and proximity as I struggle with cravings and weakness… NOT the home destroying, depression inducing, mind boggling fast that was once killing me one morning at a time.

Will you consider joining me in a forty day fast? Check here for more details and follow #40days on twitter.