Call Me Crazy

From now on you are not strangers and people who are not citizens. You are citizens together with those who belong to God. You belong in God's family.
-Ephesians 2:19

1979. That is the date stamped on the toilet in the girls’ bathroom in my new home in lovely Lake Worth, Florida. We have started remodeling this bathroom since we have a wedding happening in 9 days. Yes, nine days from now, I will have 80+ people in our backyard and that means that we could potentially have our toilet flushing hundreds of times. So, because I have amazing friends (Stacy and Brady)who care enough to keep a toilet, vanity, medicine cabinet and mirror in their garage for two weeks, I am remodeling my bathroom! Real friends share toilets. That would make a nice kitchen magnet, wouldn’t it?

Following a white Lexus packed with four of the most beautiful people on this planet, I was able to listen to music all the way to Orlando by myself. Loud music. Great music. One of my favorites since my glory days at KGNZ has always been MercyMe. Always speaking to my heart and pulling me back to Abilene, I can listen to these CD’s til my head hurts and my heart breaks.

Crazy: Mercy Me
Why I would I spend my life longing for the day that it would end..
Why would I spend my time pointing to another man..
Isn't that crazy

How can I find hope in dying, with promises unseen..
How can I learn your way is better
In everything I'm taught to be..
Isn't that crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who's calling out to me..
And even though the world may think
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

And if I boast let me boast
Of filthy rags made clean
And if I glory let me glory
In my Savior's suffering
Isn't that crazy

And as I live this daily life
I trust you for everything
And I will only take a step
When I feel You leading me
Isn't that crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who is calling out to me..
And even though the world my think
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

Call me crazy
You can call me crazy
Call me crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who is calling out to me..
And even though the world may think that
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy, It would be crazy, It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

Isn't That crazy..
Call me crazy
You can call me crazy
Call me crazy

Oh, how I LOVED listening to this song the other day. So much so that I hit repeat twice and cried through it each time.

Hearing this song this month, this week, this day was completely divine. It’s been as early as three days ago that I have had that ‘crazy’ feeling that maybe the pursuit of who I call God has been a little overboard. Maybe it’s because I sometimes feel like a foreigner because of my faith. Maybe it’s because it’s taken us ten months to find a church family and people that don’t think that we’re crazy or have taken this ‘bible thing’ too far.

I ache for heaven. I literally hurt for that place that will bring peace and contentment once and for all. I remember mentioning to a family member that I couldn’t wait to get to Heaven and they looked at me like I just ran over their dog. They had that ‘how could you’ look on their face and immediately I remember feeling awkward. But I knew how I felt and what I meant. I was completely serious. Lately I’ve wondered if I was crazy for my desire to ‘go home.’ But then I hear Bart and remember that this is natural. This is more natural than the new gray hairs at the crown of my head. This is right, and I am convinced that my desire and pursuit of God in my life through his Son, Jesus is just what I want. Nothing else, nothing less.

I ache for Heaven because my father is there. My home is there, and my baby is there. My citizenship is in Heaven and I cannot wait to finally experience the place where there is no more faith, as AP says.

But until then, I have to do this thing called Christianity, regardless of the pressure and regardless of how strange I might seem to others, or how I might feel like an outsider, I have to continue to keep listening to the God that is calling out to me. I have to continue to remember that I must do everything I do for His glory because He has changed me. When I try to do differently, my insides twist and I feel phony and fake and false.

So when I hear comments that make me feel like two nights a week at church are irregular or that my prayers are too long or that our financial support of our church should be reconsidered or that we are in some way losing touch with reality, I have to remember that the truth, my reality seems foolish to most.

I also have to remember that it is He alone who has transformed and healed me. He has taught me and gently guided me and carried me through nights where I thought I would stop living simply from sadness. I have sensed His smile as I’ve realized His hand in my business and I have felt his disappointment after making one foolish choice after another.

Sometimes I paint pictures of Egypt, and I wish that I could just relax; that I could stop that conviction, that I could hush the Holy Spirit (can I say that?), but I know that there would be no freedom in that, only the prison of fear and consequence.

So I will remember today that my homesickness is okay. I will walk in quiet, confident craziness, knowing that Jesus himself is waiting for me and planning my homecoming.

Call me crazy.








Post Script: The bathroom is coming along nicely. Updates and photos to follow. ;)